Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
