wat bout pragnant strippers??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
