yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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