this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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