My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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