Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
