my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
