im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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