i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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