Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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