Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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