Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize