good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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