Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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