What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
