am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
