He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
tell me about the eggs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
