Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
