when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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