This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
