the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I touched a dick in church today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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