I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
