Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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