I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
