Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
