Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
