note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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