It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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