maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
