I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
