The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
