I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
