I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
