Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
