i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
