Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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