The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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