I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
