I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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