Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
