How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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