Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
