3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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