if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
