I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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