doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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