you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
