the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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