Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
