Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
