Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
