My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
