come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the day after is always just damage control
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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