I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
