I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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