Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize