physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
