I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
