Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
After last night, I could never be a politician.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
