my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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