I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
there is glitter all over my balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
