lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let's get the cat blown out
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
